Jenni Gregory's Comics, Art and Stuff

The digital home of cartoonist Jenni Gregory

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

We got a date!

Wooohooo! We had a Dr appt on Monday and a date has been set for induction. I’m not particularly happy about the time it will be, but we are VERY excited for Molly to get here.

We get to present ourselves on Oct 3, at 1:00 a.m.–yup that’s in the friggin’ morning! I can’t believe that! Barry is even going to go into work that night.

I don’t know how we are gonnna do it if both of us are dead on our feet. I certainly kinda hope that we have to wait until a more resonable time.

Time wise it might not work out…we have to call the hospital before we go and make sure we have a bed. The doctor said once we have a day and time, we have to allow a window of 1-2 days just in case they are overwhelmed…which they say is a strong possibility. I guess there’s a lot of ladies due right now.

Supposedly a lot of area Doctors don’t want to send patients to Osceola Hospital and are sending everyone to Celebration Hospital. We had Chloe at Osceola and we didn’t think it was thatbad–until we had Fox at Celebration. Big difference.

Of the 3 doctors at the office, I don’t even know which one will be catching. I know I’d sure like Dr. Reinoso to deliver Molly as he did both Chloe and Fox.

Bedrest is continuing. I’ve been getting work done and watching movies as well as tv. TV sucks in the afternoon.

Barry’s folks are staying with us and I am so grateful they are here. The time with them is wonderful, and they have been playing and keeping up with the kids. Chloe and Fox think they are awesome. Of course they’ve been showing off BIG TIME.

posted by admin at 10:53 pm  

Thursday, September 21, 2006

For a laugh

My good friend Donn sent me these to jokes when I desperately need some good laughs.

Enjoy!

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do
you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below

GUTS – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys
, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts
to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying
somewhere?”

BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say:
“You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

********************

Flight Attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant,
who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend,
he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
“Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary
plane shortly,
so lovely people,
if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle,
he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a
muscle.
“Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines
but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo,
so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

She calmly turned her head and said,
“In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.”

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
“Well, sweet- cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Bitch.”

posted by admin at 9:40 pm  

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Another one of those weeks

It started last Wednesday with our Doctors appointment. I’d been doing everything (I thought)right…daily excersise, monitoring my blood sugars, eating pretty right, taking my prenatals…then we go to the Doctors office and once again my blood pressure is way high and ONCE again we get sent onto the hospital!
I tried everything short of begging to not get sent onto the hospital. But forward yo! it was. I’m getting pretty friendly with the folks at Celebration Hospital–especially the OB/GYN nurses.

We get there and pretty immediately get taken back to the OB/GYN triage area. We found out later that there had been a couple people that had been there for a number of hours and one lady that had been there since 10 that morning…it was 4-ish when we got there.

My triage nurse introduced herself…Allyson. She was extremely nice, albeit very stressed, and made us comfortable. We got wonderful blood taken, then got hooked up to all the regular monitors…fetal, heart beat, and my downfall–blood pressure.

Poor Barry got stuck in the waiting room with Chloe and Fox for what would turn out to be a 5 hour stay. Every once in a while when the doors would open, I’d hear either Barry, Chloe or Fox and the whole time I’m just thinking I wanted to see them and touch them.

For some reason, nothing was working. My blood pressure never went down, it kept going up. I can’t account for it. I was soooo worried about everything, I kept thinking how much is THIS gonna cost, but mostly I just wanted to see my family.

At times it got really confussing. The nurse would call my doctor with periodic updates. Sometimes it seemed like they would take Molly that night, then later it seemed like they wanted to wait. I could never get a direct answer. Allyson joked with me one time by telling me Dr Reinoso asked if ANY of my test results were normal.

My test results came back and after a diagnosis of pre-eclempsia, they let me go home with the orders I was on strict, nay, implicit orders for bed rest-which meant I could get up to shower, and have bathroom breaks…that was it. And I had to go to the Doctors office on friday again. Grrrr.

Got to the appointment friday and yep, the blood pressure was high. Graciously, they took it 3 times. This time at least they came down little by little. But not enough that they would send us home. Once again…off to the hospital. Luckily my now good friend Allyson was once again there. We pretty much got in as soon as I stepped in. This is a huge hospital. And for some reason that is beyond me, they have only 2 triage rooms. They opened up an operating room to use as an additional triage area. Strange.

Anyway, my BP’s were pretty good this time…I never went above 145/90. I had one that was 133/80. Dr Lemmert was there and took a few moments to talk with me and told me that they were trying to get as much time as they could for Molly’s lungs to develop. Right now I’m 35 weeks…almost 36. Beneath 38 weeks is considered pre-term and the lungs might not be developed. He was pretty sure things would be fine…80% of babies are at this state, but they just wanted to buy time. So essentially he said that he’d see how things were at my appointment on Wed. We may again have to go to the hospital. My pattern of late it seems.

After I got released from triage and was waiting with Barry and the kids for the nurse to bring me another 24 hour test I had to do…I saw just how many women were waiting to be seen. Looks on their faces told me they were in mighty amounts of pain. Again I felt guilty. Granted, I don’t hurt, but I guess that’s whats so troubling about all this pre-eclempsia stuff…you don’t really feel ANYTHING…one minute you could be standing and they next your having a stroke. It’s scary.

But I also realized that I don’t want labor to just start. I always thought I was missing out on something because my labor was brought on with drugs. I saw the looks of pain on some of these women’s face and I’m happy. I guess I kinda liked having the kids induced. You went into the hospital, got hooked up to an I.V., then a long time later we had two beautiful kids. Fo course there was an epidural. Sweet, sweet epidural!

Now, bed rest sounds mighty fine. There have been days in the last while where all I wanted was just to sleep. Just to sit. Do nothing. Yep, rest, watch tv, dozing, catching up on comicbooks sounds like nirvana…but after the first few hours, you go nuts. Then butt rot kicks in. No matter how you move, how you wiggle, you can’t get comfortable.

Barry brought in the laptop and that has made thing SOOOOOO much easier. I’ve actually been able to get quite a bit of my freelance work done, sent off emails here and there, surfed the web–I feel connected!!

The bad stuff:

Chloe celebrated her 3rd birthday. We had plans to go to one of the waterparks, have cake, a nice dinner…
Turns out I didn’t even get anything for Chloe for her birthday. Barry made it so special. He had bought her the 2nd season of Futurama (Chloe is as bad as her daddy when it comes to The Simpsons and Futurama!), a cool Ben 10 watch–which she loves, and her ‘big girl’ bunk bed got delivered…and it looks fantastic!! I am so happy with it. Barry even bought her a gorgious sheet set…purple with butterflies and stars. Chloe loves it. Now if only we can get her to sleep in her damn bed!!!

Of course, she got packages from her Mawmaw and Grammy. She had lots of wonderful things to unwrap. Barry made her a special sugar free cheesecake so I could have some. She loved blowing out her candles. I took lots of pictures.

Barry has really had it rough. He’s had everything dumped on his lap. EVERYTHING!!! I felt bad enough just at the hospital when he was stranded with the kids with no food, no toys for them, and worrying about me. Then you bring it home and it’s compounded. I don’t feel bad. I don’t look like anything is wrong. I feel like I could do anything. But you can’t. So Barry is running around chasing the kids, changing the diapers, cleaning the place, cooking every single meal, having to do the most mundane things and juggling everything, to giving Chloe a fantastic 3rd birthday while I just sit on my tush on the couch. That’s been the horrible part of all this. Guilt. It sucks. But it also makes me realize how lucky I am and how much I admire Barry. The guy is sick with a nasty cold, and he never complains. I know how much work he’s got to do for his business, and he’s taken off work from that and the day job. I see how much he loves his kids and how much they love him, I see how he’d do anything for his family, and I realize how I love him all the more.

Part of me also is facing this kind of… sadness. There’s been so much going on, a lot of problems, stresses, worries, yet at the same time I also realize that this is the last pregnancy I’ll ever have. No…really. I mean it!

From here I’ll be moving on to a different phase of life…it’s exciting, scary and…a tad bit sad. I’ll never feel this kicking sensation again, I’ll have this little person along with me everywhere for 9 months. Yep, it’s a weird time. Chalk it up to prenancy hormones.

So ALL this time spent sitting on my butt has made me realize I absolutely LOVE DVD season collections! So far we have watched:
Desperate Housewives…which didn’t look at all interesting to me, then we got a hold of the season set and I became a junkie!!!
We’ll start season II soon. After we finished DH:

Firefly I love Joss Wheden. I mean what’s not to love about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel? I mourn the passing of these shows. But thoughtfully Joss also gave us Firefly. I admit we never watched it on TV and I kick myself. Both Barry and I are amazed at how much we like this show. It has funny, fantastic characters…Can’t wait to watch the movie “Serenity” after we finish the DVD collection.

The Unit: I’m not at all a guns/army kinda chick. But DAMN, this is one good show. We got the first season all watched and loved it. Glad to see the second underway, but I’m kinda worried about it. Supposedly they are beefing up on the beefcakes to appeal to more chicks, and I hope that doesn’t detract from this great show.

Penn and Tellers Bullshit! I LOVE these guys anyway. Anyone who shines light in the stupid things people believe has my attention. I’ve enjoyed watching their show. Sometimes I think I’ve got them pegged and know exactly where they’ll go with a story and then I watch it and I’m like I can’t believe they really believe that crap!

I’ve also come to realize that there is sooooo much crap on t.v. I can’t stand soap operas, talk shows (except for Daily Show and Colbert Report), and if Chloe makes me watch Dora or Maggie and the Ferocious Beast one more time I’m gonna scream. Now thankfully the girl likes Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends and Ben 10. Otherwise I’d seriously go off the deep end.

Ok…off to bed..this went on FAAARRRRR too long. See what happens when I have time on my hands and a computer at my fingers? Bad. Bad stuff.

posted by admin at 6:08 pm  

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

My things to do list

My things to do list


1. Backpack Europe with the family Hopefully this is how we’ll celebrate our 20th anniversary!!!
2. Find a job I love – Found it…now if only I could make money as an illustrator….sigh
3. Visit all 50 states Only Alaska, Hawaii, Washington (state) and Oregon left to go.

4. Go on a cruise Done it.

5. Write a book- Done it–20+ times now…

6. Take a photography class Done it
7. Learn how to crochet or knit Did it as a kid…can’t remember how now.
8. Watch all Alfred Hitchcock’s movies Getting close on this one.
9. Go to an NFL game Done it–Washington Redskins way back when
10. Visit the White House Done it
11. Create my family tree Working on it…sorta
12. Go on a road trip – Do this all the time. Can you say Comicbook Convention season?
13. See a show on Broadway in NY Done it
14. Change a tire Done it–Barry keeps trying to show me. Joined AAA.
15. Own a house Done it-WOOHOOO!
16. Volunteer Done it
17. Attend a movie festival Done it
18. Complete a tooth whitening program Yipes. NEED to do this one. When WAS the last time I went to a dentist?
19. Learn how to invest money Done it–well, read some books, did some googling…
20. Invest the money Damn. Knew there was more to it.
21. Be more social Working on it.
22. Write a song Done it
23. Live instead of exist Carpe Diem, boys.
24. Pay off my debt Damn. Never happen.
25. Stop putting myself down See the last line above??? Yeah…never happen.
26. Give blood Done it–need to do it much more frequently
27. Work for a non-profit company –
28. Stop drinking Diet Coke, Diet Mt Dew, Diet Vault…drink more water. Go ahead and suck all the fun outta life.
29. Live somewhere it doesn’t snow – DONE and hate it.
30. Lose weight Done it, gained it back, got pregnant 3x, looking forward losing it again.
31. Read more books in a year than movies watched Do it all the time!
32. Be an extra in a film Done it– Barry and I were extra’s in Desperate Hours with Mikey Rourke. Cool experience.
33. Learn how to take a compliment Fat chance.
34. Be on Wheel of Fortune Thanks, but I’m more of a Trivia game show kinda gal.
35. Ride a camel Done it–National Zoo
36. Learn not to say yes when I really mean no Gads I need to do this one.
37. Accept myself for who I am Might happen someday…wait, wait…is that a monkey I’m feeling?
38. Ride in a hot-air balloon Look forward to doing this one. Most mornings when I go out for a walk a bunch of hot air balloons will fly over our house about 7 am. It’s a great way to start a day.
39. Learn how to complain effectively Done it–although I’m more about bitching.
40. Try a Pilates class Done it
41. Learn to ride a horse Done it
42. Keep a plant alive for a year there is a reason Barry calls me “Plant killer/herb slayer”, but I’m game.
43. Learn to snowboard LOVE to ski…now if only I could try snowboarding!
44. Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans Probably the ONLY time I hate to be in New Orleans is Mardi Gras. Yep…drunk, sweaty smelly people, and getting pelted with beads sounds like tons of fun to me.
45. Avoid elevators when there are stairs This would benefit me oodles. But how can you resist bullet elevators!
46. Finish school (at least an Associate’s) Done it — major in Psychology with minor in Theatre Arts. And you thought I was an art major. SUCKAAAA!
47. Throw a huge party and invite everyone I know Done it
48. Be a member of the audience for the taping of Jeopardy! Sounds fun. Especially if Barry was a contestant!
49. Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich Can’t stand the smell of beer and…oh yeah. Don’t drink. But I’d love to go observe Oktoberfest!
50. Spend New Years in an exotic location
51. Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it, instead of just thinking about it Need to do this. Someday I will run for some type of office.
52. Sleep under the stars Done it–freaked me out but good. I will NEVER sleep outside again. Cabins/hotels only. When there’s nobody around and just this massive canopy of stars over you, it’s pretty darn unnerving. Not to mention I’m a pampered pet and need my good mattress and a shower at least 2x daily.
53. Overcome fear of failure Done it–I mean I’ve failed at stuff all the time. I can accept defeat.
54. Kiss the Blarney Stone Sounds fun.
55. Learn how to roll my R’s Done it
56. Decorate the house with art I’ve made I look at all the original art we’ve collected, look at the bare walls and wonder what the hell are we waiting for?!?
57. Learn a martial art Yep. I want to do this.
58. Time travel So, I don’t know how it would work in the time continum thing, or if time is Boethian, but I’m in baby!
59. Join a book club Done it–didn’t like it much.
60. Visit a hookah bar I think I could enjoy watching the folks. Sounds cool.
61. Enjoy working out/going to the gym Done it would LOVE to still have the time to go and work out in a gym rather then just walking.
62. Learn how to draw Done it–working on it everyday.
63. Dye my hair a really ridiculous colour Done it–well I just put pink streaks in..lasted for 3 days or so.
64. Go without tv for a month What and actually get things accomplished??? A pox upon this!
65. Make a scrapbook Done it– now if only I could keep adding to it…it’s hard to find time to do it with almost 3 kids, work, work, and more work.
66. Start a collection (books don’t count) Done it–stamps (horses and Princess Diana stamps–began many, many moons ago.
67. Learn how to bodyboard Would LOVE to do this!
68. Own custom-made clothing Done it
69. Visit all the major museums in LA Done most in San Diego…that pretty good.
70. March in a protest rally the excersise would be good!
71. Go to a Renaissance Fair March in a protest rally I think that sounds like fun. Always looking for a reason to dress up!
72. Learn how to drive stick-shift Done it– and Barry and I almost came to blows over it when he tried to teach me!

posted by admin at 11:26 pm  

Sunday, September 3, 2006

English-Winglish Dictionary


English-Winglish Dictionary

Posted by Mark Kleiman

The wingnuts now running this country, and their journalistic supporters, speak a language all their own: not exactly Orwell’s Newspeak, but a closely related tongue. In Winglish, “voter fraud” means “minority turnout,” “Republican” means “monarchist,” and a “patriot” is someone who salutes the flag and despises the Constitution. You’ll be able to make sense of their nonsense with the aid of the Winglish-English Dictionary.

To make sense contemporary political speeches and punditry, it has become necessary to understand Winglish, the language spoken by the wing-nuts now running the country and by their journalistic supporters. For some time now, a cooperative process has been producing a Winglish-English Dictionary. Below is the current compilation. Contributions and illustrations solicited.

alternative energy sources /n. phr./ 1. New locations to drill for gas and oil. 2. Coal mines.

bankruptcy /n./ A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.

bipartisan /n./ Favorable to Republicans, but involving Democrats. (See also “partisan,” “nonpartisan.”)

burning bush The President of the United States after being asked an un-planted question.

Cheney, Dick /n./ The greater of two evils.

Christian /n., adj./ Fundamentalist.

class warfare /n. phr./ Any attempt by the poor, the middle class, or even the well-off to resist the depredations of the very rich. (Ex.: Progressive taxation, unionization, consumer protection, the minimum wage.)

climate change /n. phr./ Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

compassionate conservatism /n./ Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

conspiracy theorist /n. phr./ Accurate observer or reporter of Republican activity.

creation science /n./ Belief that George W. Bush’s resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

DeLay /n./ Past tense of De Lie.

disloyal /adj./ Unfavorable to Republicans. (See also “treason.”)

extraordinary rendition /n./ Outsourcing torture.

faith /n./ The belief that the Beatitudes include “Blessed are the rich” and “Blessed are the warmakers.”

free markets /n./ Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

girly-men /n./ Males who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.

God /n./ Senior presidential adviser.

growth /n./ 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition #1.

healthy forest /idiomatic phr./ “No tree left behind.”

honesty /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., “Freedom is on the march.”).

House of Representatives /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).

insanity /n./ (See “staying the course.”)
in the national interest /idiomatic. phr./ 1. Conducive to the election of Republicans. 2. Beneficial to Republican contributors.

Judaeo-Christian /idiomatic phr../ “In case there are any Jews listening …” (See “Serbo-Croatian.”)

laziness /n./ When the poor are not working.

leisure time /n./ When the wealthy are not working.

liberal(s) /n./ Follower(s) of the Antichrist.

Newspeak Dictionary /book title/ A good first draft.

Nineteen Eighty-Four /book title/ Official operations manual for patriots (Q.v.).

No Child Left Behind A Federal law enacting the statistical wisdom of Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above average.

nonpartisan /adj./ Favorable to Republicans. (See also “bipartisan,” “nonpartisan.”)

ownership society /n./ 1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth. 2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners.

partisan /adj. / Potentially damaging to Republicans. Ant.: “bipartisan,” “nonpartisan” (q.v.)

patriot /n./ 1. A person who salutes the flag and despises the Constitution.

Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. 2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.

privatization /subs./ Corruption.

pro-life /adj./ Placing an infinite value on each human life from conception all the way to birth.

policy options /n. phr./ The set of possible governmental responses to a situation: cutting taxes on the rich, subsidizing big corporations, and going to war.

real American /n. phr./ 1. White fundamentalist. 2. Inhabitant of a red state. 3. Monarchist. (See also “patriot.”)

religion /n./ Christianity. (See also “Christian,” “Judaeo-Christian.”)

religious freedom /n. phr./ Our freedom to impose our religion on heathens, idolators, infidels, and atheists.

Republican /n. or adj./ Monarchist. (Syn: “patriot.”)

Roe v. Wade Your options for escaping a flooded city if you’re poor and Heckuva Job Brownie is running FEMA.

Senate /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million.

simplify the tax code /idiomatic phr./ Cut the taxes of Republican donors.

sound science /n. phr./ Whatever sounds like science and is favorable to Republicans.

staying the course /gerund phr./ Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (Syn: “insanity”).

stuff happens /idiomatic phr./ I don’t have to live in Baghdad.

Torture /n./ Infliction of intolerable pain on someone we don’t hate.

treason /n./ Criticism of George W. Bush.

unpatriotic /adj./ 1. Consistent with the Constitution. 2. Unfavorable to Republicans. (Ant: “patriotic.” Syn.: “partisan.”)

voter fraud /n. phr./ Significant minority turnout.

welfare /n./ Laziness-inducing and budget-busting government handouts to the non-wealthy.

woman /n./ 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child in the first place. 2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn’t want to have sex in the first place.

posted by admin at 10:33 am  

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